well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My dick has a subreddit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
