Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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