when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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