I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
