She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
