so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
