if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
