The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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