And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
