I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
