just tell him i said nine months
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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