so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
