who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
