Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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