and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
