Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
