Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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