I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
