The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
