we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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