So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
