Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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