we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
