i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.