Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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