Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW