Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?