Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS