I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
