He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
