i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize