I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
