Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
