does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
