I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so let's talk penis.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
