you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
