just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
