Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
