Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
