hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
