that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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