i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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