Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
