I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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