planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
