how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
