Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
