it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
