i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
