THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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