new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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