youre lurking in front of me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize