Dignity is for republicans.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
