I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
