how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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