You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i think im in europe. pls send help
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
