I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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