Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
