She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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