I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
