Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
