Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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