im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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