Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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