we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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