I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize