No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
