Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
