Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
