I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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