the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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