he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
